GO AN' MARRY- Kofoworola Omokoba

Kofoworola Omokoba

Go an' Marry (They don't pronounce letter 'd' when they say this).

Over the years, I've engaged in  conversations with a lot of single ladies around me and I've come to realise that nearly everyone is desperate to be married. Most single ladies feel 'intimidated' by the married ones and every gist about married friends usually reveal envy, bitterness and jealousy. Only a few have high self esteem and confidence in their 'singleness'.

I've also come to realise that friends have been noticeably responsible for this 'competition'. Married friends cut off their relationship with single ladies, single ladies compete among themselves.

 Every friendship request from old-time friends is screened...The desperately searching single lady doesn't accept requests from married friends, lest they 'oppress' with their rich husbands and dazzling kids.

The society is to some extent, responsible for this desperation. It has become a trend among Nigerians, especially married women to 'hurry' single women into marriage with 'GO an marry', 'when are we going to eat rice?' 'You're getting old oo', 'Your friends have 3 kids already', etc.

In this part of the world, women with a sense of low self esteem always classify marriage as yardstick for measuring fulfilment in life. Don't be like them. It's not a must to get married. If it comes, glory to God, if not, hold your head high and focus on developing other areas of your life!

 It's this sense of desperation that makes lots of women choose their spouses wrongly. Some go ahead, becoming second wives to their ancestors. Not all these women are after money, to most, it is desperation; the crave to be addressed as Mrs, even if not legally earned.

As a woman, you're a complete human being in your own right, marriage can never complete you or guarantee your happiness. It is only God who gives happiness. Living with an human being who makes you shed tears everyday is far worse than staying single. That's why divorce is on the increase. In the long run, you will realise that nothing comes before peace of mind.

You see these divorce cases we hear of everyday, many of them are borne out of desperation and after the whole thing,they realise that happiness is all that matters.  There's a time for everyone to get married, if they must.

Friends, your single friends know their status. And it's not a disease. Don't be the one to point that out to them, you never can tell what the future holds. You keep using age as yardstick. Is there a fixed age for marriage? In some African cultures, a 20 year old is too 'old' to be single. Being 'old' is not fixed but relative.

Also, your reality is different from hers. Stop bringing other women down, especially if you don't know their stories. Not every woman has a fast education or success story. Why not leave your friends to keep struggling to make their lives better? Why do you keep pushing them into what may not be for them? Marriage is a calling, not many will survive it. Getting married is easy, staying married is tough!

 Marriage is good,no doubt but it's not for everybody, that's a reality you need to accept. Not everybody will get married or stay married. So if any lady around you is bidding her time, please let her be!

Her story, her glory.

Her pains, her gains.

They are all hers, not yours. Learn to mind your business, especially where your advice is not solicited.

Getting married is a personal choice. Stop embarrassing your friends by asking if they're not thinking of marriage. You never can tell what anybody is going through in their personal space. Respect people's privacy! Allow them to invite you, if they don't, well, goodluck!

Post by: Kofoworola Omokoba

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